Chaotic event in my life

My life has been inexplicably chaotic since ive broke with my eXbf. wont blame him for all the things had happened in my life. No. wasnt his fault. But all is mine, who the one let feelings ruined all the things. But Hey, im okay :) wasnt that bad. i mean in every chaotic event theres a regularity right? or at least a pattern which can lead to regularity,no? Ahh never mind. all i wanna say is theres always good thing happening in bad situation :).

so much craziness surrounding me now. i wont called my self a perfectionist. but i do make plans and love details. lately, all ive planned is falling apart.all my activities are more spontaneous and wasnt in the plan. just like trip to chiangmai and many things including my thesis submission.From now on,ive learn one thing..that a perfect plan is having no plan at all.i will try to follow the wind now and let god decided which is good or not for me. Wont try that hard anymore. And for you my love..im giving up my love, i set you free :)

Saya tidak lebih baik

..Dan saya tidal lebih baik

akhir-akhir ini kalimat tersebut selalu terngiang dikepala saya..

ketika seorang teman menanyakan sesuatu hal yang tidak pantas untuk ditanyakan kepada saya, saya berusaha memahami mungkin dia hanya belum tau etika dalam pergaulan

hal ini membuat saya melakukan refleksi diri dan mungkin saya pun secara tidak sadar juga pernah berbuat hal yang sama..

Nahh..dan saya pun tidak lebih baik dari kawan saya ini

Dan saat seseorang dimasa lalu mengatakan hal-hal yang cukup kasar dan tidak pada tempatnya, emosi sempat menggelegak mengingat bahwa dia tidak punya hak apapun terhadap saya lagi..tapi hati terketuk dengan cepat

dan saya berpikir..mungkin saya juga telah menyakiti hatinya tanpa saya sadari

satu lagi pembuktian bahwa saya tidak lebih baik dari dia..

Pernah saya juga melihat komen2 dan status teman diFacebook yang mengata2i remaja jaman sekarang dan teman2nya..koruptor,plagiat dan lain2.tapi apakah kita juga lebih baik dari mereka?jika kita berada pada posisi mereka?saya tidak tahu..tapi saya mungkin nanti akan tahu jika saya sudah berada pada posisi mereka..dan nantinya pengetahuan saya akan membuat saya mengerti.mengerti akan alasan kenapa mereka melakukan tindakan tersebut.

sering kita berpikir bahwa kita telah melakukan hal yang benar dan sesuai dengan aturan dan norma. tapi aturan dan norma siapa?tidakkah kita sendiri juga membuat aturan dan norma-norma kita sendiri?ahh sekarang saya mengerti menjadi yang terbaik bukanlah selamanya baik..terkadang kita perlu mengerti bahwa kita pun tidak lebih baik dari mereka...

yang terfikir..yang tertulis..*minjem judul blog kang riza

sendiri..

memberikan kita banyak waktu untuk berfikir dan merenung..

ada kalanya renungan itu menggundahkan jiwa dan terkadang justru dapat menenangkan..

malam ini..aku berfikir..

tentang apa yang terjadi diantara kita..

tentang mengapa disaat aku merasa sudah menemukan orang yang bisa mengisi dan menjadi imam bagiku kelak justru berakhir seperti ini..

tidak menyesali..tidak menangisi..hanya berfikir..mengapa semua ini terjadi

you goes to party..im studying..

is there someone to blame???

i dont think so..it wasnt ur fault or mine.that maybe we're not meant to be

no body wins when everyones losing..

after ure gone..i started to see a lot of things..its just like a flashback

tuhan mulai mempertemukan aku dengan berbagai orang dan masalahnya yang membuka pikiranku

mereka membuatku berfikir tentang kita..tentang apa yang kita lalui..

jalani hidup..hanya itu yang bisa kita lakukan sekarang..sooner or later we'll find the way

Stop Asking.Start Living

Have patience with everything thatremains unsolved in your heart.

Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language.

Do not now look for the answers.

They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them.

It is a question of experiencing everything.

At present you need to live the question.

Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer."

Rainer Maria Rilke

One of the reason why im proud to be indonesian

bosen mantengin TV recorder beralihlah sayah kyoutube.dan OMG..uve to check this out guys.what an amazing voices and anw..this is his own song.MY GOD!!!!

expecting too much

Hhh..sometimes we just expect too much of life in general and of other peeps in particular. i think i need to learn how to 'mengikhlaskan' something. if i used the word patient as a terms and usual english translations, a number of significant meaning difference are brought to light thats why i used the terms of 'mengikhlaskan' *Ive read one of malay journal on science direct about this :p,not because i want to sounds like a scientist here but only to inform you readers :p.

off to the main topic, sometimes..evethough ive try to mengikhlaskan but there's a sound in my heart i believe its came from my brain actually*sigh..this one tiny,nagging voice inside my head asking for something in return. thats why being a patient/ikhlas person will be the good one because you didnt expect or hope the other party to do the same thing in return.Because when we hope for them to do the same thing that we did for them,and in the end it turned out that they didnt even give a damn about the effort that we have put in, we would feel frustrated, deeply furious or disappointed.besides that..if we ikhlas doing something, kita akan all out membuat something regardless of whether you got something in return or not.ahh,i know all of this and wish i can also learn untuk mengihklaskan sesuatu and not asking for something in return just like what i did now *sigh

how i love being loved by you

Your love makes me feel blessed. To have you in my lifeI realize how blessed I am :)
Because of all the things your love gives me.I know every word you say is true, with all the things I've already written..that's part of why I love being loved by you.
There isn't enough time in a day Nor words, that even though they are true.. That can explain the depth's of our love..To tell you why I love being loved by you..

oh how i love being loved by you honey..:)